Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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