Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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