Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it was like eating out sand paper
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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