Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
