Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
