I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
