Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Swine flu is the new snow day.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
