ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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