More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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