Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Someone shit on the floor
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
