Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
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Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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