My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
vagina is talking i cant
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
