I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
