Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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