I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Every concussion has its silver lining
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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