Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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