No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
