youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
