I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
