woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
