STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
