btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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