She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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