Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
