we were pretty classy up until the second keg
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
