I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
