never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
