It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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