Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
