omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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