How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also, beer. Big fan.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
