The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
