You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
