Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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