i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
