I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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