All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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