found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
In America we eat man semen.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm at about main and main street
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
