One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
