you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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