theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
