***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
