FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
