It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
