apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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