In the future we'll all be gay
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
