Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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