i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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