ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
