so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
