i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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