dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
