just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
