no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
