I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
