Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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