i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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