She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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