he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
