Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
