Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
