jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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