Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
