mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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