Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize