What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
