dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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