the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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