I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
