nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You're earring is so big in my mouth
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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