Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
