great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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