I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
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We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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