Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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