I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
