Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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