Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
