I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
