I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
