I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
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She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
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Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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