question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
