he told me I talked like a deaf person
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
