The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
