Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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